"But MOM,,,,,,,,,!!!"

So the little one has been all over my butt for her own cell phone for about 3 months now. Up until last night I've been kinda blowing her off, oh yeah that sounds fun, but I don't think so right now type of thing. Then she cornered me last night with guns a blazing.

What in Gods name does a 9 year old need a cell phone for?

"But so-and-so has one"
"Good for so-and-so"
"And so-and-so's mom just got her one last week"
"Good for so-and-so's mom. What does a nine year old need a cell phone for?"
"STUFF" (Oh, Xanix deliver me from Attitude Lane)

I let her state her case, I listened (well kinda anyway), and then I took a deep breath. I proceeded to state my point of view, very nicely and calmly. My point of view wasn't taken well at all. (I know, don't you feel bad for her) Then she goes for the low blow, mother of all child do not's. She pulled the dad card out on me.

"Well, then I'll just ask my dad to get me one" At this point I began looking around my house wondering who painted everything red. When I came back to reality there she was staring at me with a face on her I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do with....kiss it or pinch it.
Long story short I said something like fine but if I see it in my house I'm gonna run it over with my truck, she said something smart and stormed off to her room. Needless to say she got over it....with a little help from some ice cream, hugs, and the whole mommy's not trying to be mean speech.

Am I alone on this one? It seems like every kid I see these days, including ones at her GRAMMER school, have cell phones. Am I missing something?

Ground control to Major Tom.........

I've had a series of HORRID relationships in my life. I just can't seem to get it right. I'm trying not to let my faith in true love fade away, but it seems to be replaced by fear. Fear of never finding true happiness. I've been known to joke about getting little foot prints tattooed on my back as I feel like the human door matt. My fault, I know, but still.

I thought I'd found my prince charming in 1998. You know the whole "I wasn't lookin' for it, but here it is" kinda love. He was amazing. We married a little over a year later, and then it all changed. He started trying to change me....the real me. Being younger than him (he was 30 & I was 22) I took it as maybe I had a little more growing up to do and adjusted some things. By our 4th year of marrage I didn't even know myself anymore. I felt like a posession and not a person anymore. Then I got angry. Angry at him for not really loving ME and at myself for letting someone change me. Add in all the control issues, mental abuse, and ill tempered person I was married to, it just was a nightmare. One night I came home, he ran his mouth, said some HORRID things, and the next morning my daughter and I were gone. I wasn't going to live like that anymore, and I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking it was OK to be treated like that.

Ok, so now I THOUGT I had found my **ahem** balls, and even used to joke that they had gotten so big that I had to swing them bitches over my shoulder. Then HE came along.

BAM!! Out of know where and just....different. I wouldn't discover just how different he really was until it was too late. He was so beyond what I was looking for. Hot, nice, sweet, funny, hot, kind, wanted to know everything about me, did I say hot?? Reguardless, I felt like he was my breath of fresh air. WRONG AGAIN!!!!! and now I feel even worse than before; he makes my marriage look not so bad, and that's a sign right there of just how wrong this whole situation is.

I've tried to break it off, numerous time, but I'm just so mentally beat down that I just don't feel strong enough to deal with it. He is the master menipulator (you'll learn real quick I suck at spelling) and one of the most evil people I've ever met. Yet I stay.....I don't want to, I want him out, I've told him numerous times that he needs to leave, but yet he stays. I'm lost, afraid, confused, and yes...mad at myself again.

Mad that I let this happen again (and even worse than the last time), mad that I can't find the strength to really get him out, mad that I insist on doing this myself and not letting those around me who've offered to get him out for me, just upset and overwhelmed PERIOD. Sometimes I just want to get in my car and go away from it all. Pray that it all just goes away. Not realistic, I know, but it's still a wish I have.

I just want to be happy and I feel emotionally powerless in this hole I've gotten into. I want to get out, but my arms & legs don't work.

Enough is enough

Sometimes I get so disappointed in myself with all the shit I put up with I start to wonder where my head is. I am so tired of people treating me like crap when everything I do for them is with nothing but the best intentions. I wonder why I surround myself with relationships that suck the life out of me and give me nothing in return. Why do I even bother?

I got SCREAMED at this morning because the DRY CLEANERS didn't put his shirts on paper hangers and used wire hangers instead. Can you believe that shit? I felt like I was living with mommie-dearest for a minute. He takes everything SO personally and has the nerve to tell me that "Of course it's not important to you!" and then proceeds to rant and bitch about how fed up HE is with everything. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Let's forget about the MILLION times I've waited at the dry cleaner for an extra 5 minutes just so they can take them off wire hangers and put them on paper ones. Oh but all that means nothing. I'm so sorry that I had a million things going thru my head with all the things that I needed to get done in the next 2 hours, to get her ready for her first day of school the next day, that I wasn't the hanger nazi ONCE. You would have thought I killed someone or something.

And all the name calling and verble degration that he spues when he gets mad is beyond enough. I can't understand how someone could talk to someone they are suppose to care about like that! I've NEVER talked down to ANYONE I care about like he seems so freely to do. I just don't get it!

Oh well! Enought venting for now. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll leave......so far I haven't been that lucky.

Hugs and kisses

Wish I wasn't here.....

Do you ever get up on a Monday morning and wish you were sick as hell just so you wouldn't have to go to your stupid ass job? I can't stand this place!! I've had some pretty crappy jobs before, but never in my life have I had to deal with the kinda boss I have. He's rude, obnoxious, unprofessional, and is the biggest cheap ass I've ever met. I think it's time to clear the decks and move on. 2 years too long here is all I have to say.

Kinda bummed out today. Today would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary, but like many other women before me I married the wrong man. Thankfully I came to my sences 2 years ago and left, but it hurts to leave someone you still love. I guess sometimes love isn't enough. Oh well.

Not too much else to post, kids. I'm starting out a real great blogger aren't I?!

My first entry EVER!!

Well here is my first blog entry. It's official; I am now a blogger. I've spent I don't know how many months peeping at other peoples blogs and the time has come for me to have my own. Well, here it is people and I hope it's just as much fun!

Hopefully I'll be able to get some stuff off my chest and make some new friends out there in the blogging world. You all need to promise to be patient as I break myself in with this whole thing.

Everyone have a great weekend and if you have any blogging advice for me I'm all ears!

Hugs and kisses