Last night I went for my 'iron out all the details' interview at my new job. It's at a doctors office 5 minutes from my house. It's only part time, in the afternoons, but it's a step towards getting back into the medical field. YEAH!! I'll be doing reception along with all the lab duties. He's paying me a lot more than I thought, and asked for, so that only makes things that much more better. I start on Tuesday. Bossman already knew about this job, and offered that I could still work from 9-1 here if I wanted to. I think I might stay for a bit since he's rarely here before 1 anyways, and it'll still give me some more time to look for something in the mornings. Between the pay here and the pay at the doctors office I'm already ahead of the money game, and I finally feel like everything is going to turn out ok for us. What a relief!!!
Little one went with her dad again this weekend, and I'm handeling it better than I did last weekend. Now it's really me time. Before I had me time , but I still had Jerkmo time too. I love being able to wake up every morning and only having my expectations to abide by. Knowone to answer to, knowone to think about if it'll get someone mad before I do something, knowone to have to explain my every move to. I wish I would've done this sooner. I wasted so much time, but there's no sence being upset over the past. It's time to move forward.
I got a new mattress delivered yesterday, and it's so comfy! Still not sleeping great, but better than before. I just wish I would stop having nightmares all night long....every damn night. I'm sure you can guess what they're about.....or at least who. I haven't actually talked to him in over a week, but he keeps calling and texting me multiple times a day. If that would stop I think my stress would start to go away even more. Now I just need my paranoya to lessen too. Everytime I see a Dodge car I immediatly check for dealer plates before I can relax. Every time the dogs bark I'm looking out the window. Thanks goodness for Xanix. I started taking an antidepressant/antianxitey medicine when I went to my follow up appointment with the doctor. Not sure if it's really helping yet, but I guess it's still too soon to tell. I'm sure all the stress still around doesn't help either. I don't feel depressed anymore, but that could be a combo of things too. Who knows.
All I know is things are going so much better than I could have ever prayed for, and I'm still walking thru a dream. A great one at that!
Hugs and kisses
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Hanging on tight!
You know, I have to be honest here.....when it rains it pours! When I sit and think about all that has gone on and changed in my life in just two weeks I either cry or get amazed. Sometimes both. I can't even tell you where my strength is coming from, aside from above, but I guess I've wanted a happier life so bad that I haven't even stopped to wollow in all that bad. The first two days afterwards I would bust out crying numerousl times a day, but the tears have stopped. i can't say I'm over it, but I guess I'm trying not to let it get me down. there's too much good stuff going on that, in a sick twisted way, almost makes all the bad worth it. Not that I'd want to do it all over again, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
I have no desire whatsoever to talk to him. Every time he calls my phone I just want to throw it. Not because it makes me mad, but because he makes me sick. The kind of sick that makes your whole body tense up with repulsion. I can't say I hate him; I don't hate anyone. He just makes me ill. Part of me is mad at myself for allowing all this to go on for so long, and a bigger part of me wants to punch him as hard as I can in the face for doing it to me. I NEVER did anything to deserve how he treated me.
So more big news......like you all haven't heard enough. I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! IN A DOCTORS OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!! I ROCK!!!!!!!!
Sorry to drop news and run, but the other girl is on vacation and I'm here with bossman ALONE. God help me! He keeps walking over here way too much, and I don't need to get caught. More details when I can.
Hugs and kisses
I have no desire whatsoever to talk to him. Every time he calls my phone I just want to throw it. Not because it makes me mad, but because he makes me sick. The kind of sick that makes your whole body tense up with repulsion. I can't say I hate him; I don't hate anyone. He just makes me ill. Part of me is mad at myself for allowing all this to go on for so long, and a bigger part of me wants to punch him as hard as I can in the face for doing it to me. I NEVER did anything to deserve how he treated me.
So more big news......like you all haven't heard enough. I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! IN A DOCTORS OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!! I ROCK!!!!!!!!
Sorry to drop news and run, but the other girl is on vacation and I'm here with bossman ALONE. God help me! He keeps walking over here way too much, and I don't need to get caught. More details when I can.
Hugs and kisses
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'
Isn't it cute?! Last night I took yet another step to getting my life back in order by trading in my HUGE car payment for something more affordable. Since Jerkmo isn't around to pay half anymore it only made sense. I can't say I'm in love with it yet, but I'm sure I'll get there. It is really nice though. What is it you ask? 2004 Saturn VUE.
Not too much else on this end. Counting down the days until I'm out of this shit whole for good. Knowing I don't have to put up with all the garbage for much longer makes it a little less stressful to come here. Bossman asked if I've had a change of heart....uh NO! And not only did I not reconcider, but I reported his sorry ass to corporate for all his crap. Niiiiice!!!
Have to go to the ear doctor in a bit to have them check out my right ear. Just to make sure there isn't any damage since that side caught the most damage that night. I'm sure all will be fine. I feel much better. Still sore in some places, but still tons better. Everyday is better. I'm loving life now, and it's about time!!!
This past weekend was my first ever weekend alone in my house. The little one went with her dad, and where as I was all freaked out on Friday it wasn't anything a couple Xanix didn't calm down. Thank goodness for that! Overall it was a nice weekend.
The weather here has been AMAZING!! Too bad it's suppose to rain all the rest of this week. POOP! I was just getting used to the high 70's. Oh well. Gotta fly to the doctors now.
Hugs and kisses
Friday, March 23, 2007
A Whole New World
I'm finally back in the world of the living! I came back to work yesterday and already am sooo glad it's Friday! So much more has happened, and I'm rolling along with all of it. Let's catch up shall we?......
No more issues with Jerkmo. He still leaves me tons on voice mails and text messages on how sorry he is, let him know if I need anything, how much he misses me, and how much he loves me. All I have to say to that is BLAH BLAH BLAH BUDDY TOO LATE FOR ALL THIS!!!! He's in Vegas now for training for his job, and called my yesterday morning at 6am drunker than all hell, wandering around the strip, looking for his hotel. I feel bad for him; he's just so lost. It's too bad too because he's not a bad guy he just has anger/temper issues that I refuse to deal with anymore. I guess that's what happens when you grow up in an abusive household, but when is it time to break the cycle? Maybe it's just me, but hopefully someday he'll see the light and get his act together.
I will say I feel so free and happy, already, that sometimes it feels like a dream. Maybe I'm still in shock with all this garbage, but I feel it slowly sinking in. I still don't regret my decision, and it makes me realize that I was more done with that relationship than I thought. I've cleaned up all the eggshells I used to walk on, and my house is so much more peaceful now. It finally really feels like my safe place. I'm loving every day now, and I'm so thankful for all of it!!!! I'm healing up well. My head is still sore, but so far no monster headache today. All the bruises are fading, and my heart is on the mends too. The little one is doing better too. She's still mad as hell at him, but time heals all that too.
Moving on to the job situation........Whew, lots to tell here.........That clinic job I got called for I called and called and called and called. No call back, so I've let that one go. Back to here. As usual my asshole boss gave me crap from minute one about all that just happened. WTF do you want from me I can't even drive a car how am I going to work? Aside from the fact that the doctors DIDN'T want me working and aside from all the other physical garbage. Anyways, on Wednesday I was on the phone with my mom and she was asking me if I had enough money in the bank blah blah, so I opened my paycheck because she was going to come over to deposit it for me. Inside the enveople is a three page nasty memo from bossman telling me that I was on 'employment probation' because of all the time I've missed with last years illness and this situation. Along with a bunch of other insulting lies. That was it for me! I got so mad I was shaking (man I hate when that happens).
So yesterday he comes in and calls me into the back. Right away he starts unloading on me about this and that, so I cut him off. I calmly tell him that where as I understand his position that he has two girls trying run a four girl office because he's too cheap to hire anyone else, so when one of us is gone it creates an issue. I get it. I also calmly explained that last year and this time are both medically documented situations that are beyond my control, so to come down on me for it is unfair. "I don't give a sh*t what's medically documented! Your f'd up personal life is ruining my business!" Hold up there skooter, what did you just say? Then he proceeds to tell me that Jerkmo beating my ass "IS WHAT I GET FOR HAVING PEOPLE LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE", AND "SEE, WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU HYMAN?!" Followed my what kind of mother am I and a bunch of other horriable things. That was it I QUIT MY JOB THEN AND THERE!!! I told him I would stay until the other girl got back from her vacation (only because it gives me two more weeks of a paycheck while I look for another job) but when she came back I WAS GONE! Whew!! See why my head is still spinning?!
So that's where I am now, and although I'm a little freaked out about all the changes that have happed in such a short period of time I'm embracing all of this with open arms and strong faith. Well I'm gonna go peek in on all my peeps. I've been away for too long I need to catch up with all of you. Love you all! Have a great weekend!
Hugs and kisses
No more issues with Jerkmo. He still leaves me tons on voice mails and text messages on how sorry he is, let him know if I need anything, how much he misses me, and how much he loves me. All I have to say to that is BLAH BLAH BLAH BUDDY TOO LATE FOR ALL THIS!!!! He's in Vegas now for training for his job, and called my yesterday morning at 6am drunker than all hell, wandering around the strip, looking for his hotel. I feel bad for him; he's just so lost. It's too bad too because he's not a bad guy he just has anger/temper issues that I refuse to deal with anymore. I guess that's what happens when you grow up in an abusive household, but when is it time to break the cycle? Maybe it's just me, but hopefully someday he'll see the light and get his act together.
I will say I feel so free and happy, already, that sometimes it feels like a dream. Maybe I'm still in shock with all this garbage, but I feel it slowly sinking in. I still don't regret my decision, and it makes me realize that I was more done with that relationship than I thought. I've cleaned up all the eggshells I used to walk on, and my house is so much more peaceful now. It finally really feels like my safe place. I'm loving every day now, and I'm so thankful for all of it!!!! I'm healing up well. My head is still sore, but so far no monster headache today. All the bruises are fading, and my heart is on the mends too. The little one is doing better too. She's still mad as hell at him, but time heals all that too.
Moving on to the job situation........Whew, lots to tell here.........That clinic job I got called for I called and called and called and called. No call back, so I've let that one go. Back to here. As usual my asshole boss gave me crap from minute one about all that just happened. WTF do you want from me I can't even drive a car how am I going to work? Aside from the fact that the doctors DIDN'T want me working and aside from all the other physical garbage. Anyways, on Wednesday I was on the phone with my mom and she was asking me if I had enough money in the bank blah blah, so I opened my paycheck because she was going to come over to deposit it for me. Inside the enveople is a three page nasty memo from bossman telling me that I was on 'employment probation' because of all the time I've missed with last years illness and this situation. Along with a bunch of other insulting lies. That was it for me! I got so mad I was shaking (man I hate when that happens).
So yesterday he comes in and calls me into the back. Right away he starts unloading on me about this and that, so I cut him off. I calmly tell him that where as I understand his position that he has two girls trying run a four girl office because he's too cheap to hire anyone else, so when one of us is gone it creates an issue. I get it. I also calmly explained that last year and this time are both medically documented situations that are beyond my control, so to come down on me for it is unfair. "I don't give a sh*t what's medically documented! Your f'd up personal life is ruining my business!" Hold up there skooter, what did you just say? Then he proceeds to tell me that Jerkmo beating my ass "IS WHAT I GET FOR HAVING PEOPLE LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE", AND "SEE, WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU HYMAN?!" Followed my what kind of mother am I and a bunch of other horriable things. That was it I QUIT MY JOB THEN AND THERE!!! I told him I would stay until the other girl got back from her vacation (only because it gives me two more weeks of a paycheck while I look for another job) but when she came back I WAS GONE! Whew!! See why my head is still spinning?!
So that's where I am now, and although I'm a little freaked out about all the changes that have happed in such a short period of time I'm embracing all of this with open arms and strong faith. Well I'm gonna go peek in on all my peeps. I've been away for too long I need to catch up with all of you. Love you all! Have a great weekend!
Hugs and kisses
Monday, March 19, 2007
Going Home at Last!
Well tonight we finally get to go back home. Although I've been soaking up staying with my parents I miss my house so badly. We stopped there this morning after we dropped the little one off at school, and it felt like I was stepping into the place for the first time again. It was a very weird feeling. Weird but hopeful all at the same time.
He's finally out! He left a lot of bigger items that I'm thankful I won't have to replace, but I can't wait to get back on my feet and clean all the ass out of there. On a funny note....HE TOOK THE TOOTHPASTE!!!!!!!! I don't think my mom and I have laughed so hard in such a long time. We were going thru each room looking for any damage and to see what he took, and when we got to MY bathroom the toothpaste was gone. WHAT A GEEK!!!!! I've now renamed him the toothpaste bandit. A brand new tube gone. Too funny!!!
Talked to him for a little bit today, and of course he tried to tell me all the ways I was going to regret this, and how he was the best thing to ever happen to the little one and me, and how many guys out there are really going to want me and all my baggage because I'm a train wreck BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. How he hates all women because they're all whores, and I must have someone else lined up to leave him like this, and how he has too many good qualities that outweigh his anger issues BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Can you guys tell I really gave a shit what he had to say? Denial is such a bitch isn't it?! He's the one not dealing with reality. I told him I don't regret my decision, and that life will be 10,000 times better with him gone. HA!!!!!!!
Still feel like crap though. Rough day yesterday. Found more brusing, but trying to just let all that go. No use crying over spilled milk right? I did have a break down pretty hard last night. Reality hit me that he could've killed me and just how lucky I was. God is amazing the way he protected us that night!! I'm even more thankful for each day now.
That's the latest kiddies. Not sure if/when I'm going back to work this week. Just have to play it by ear. OH...speaking of ear....I have to go see an ENT next week to look in my right ear cause my balance is still WAY off. All will get fixed though; I'm a lot tougher than I ever gave myself credit for. Got a whole new outlook on things these days. It can only get better from here.
Love you all, and thanks for checking in on us! We're staying strong!
HUGE Hugs and kisses
He's finally out! He left a lot of bigger items that I'm thankful I won't have to replace, but I can't wait to get back on my feet and clean all the ass out of there. On a funny note....HE TOOK THE TOOTHPASTE!!!!!!!! I don't think my mom and I have laughed so hard in such a long time. We were going thru each room looking for any damage and to see what he took, and when we got to MY bathroom the toothpaste was gone. WHAT A GEEK!!!!! I've now renamed him the toothpaste bandit. A brand new tube gone. Too funny!!!
Talked to him for a little bit today, and of course he tried to tell me all the ways I was going to regret this, and how he was the best thing to ever happen to the little one and me, and how many guys out there are really going to want me and all my baggage because I'm a train wreck BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. How he hates all women because they're all whores, and I must have someone else lined up to leave him like this, and how he has too many good qualities that outweigh his anger issues BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Can you guys tell I really gave a shit what he had to say? Denial is such a bitch isn't it?! He's the one not dealing with reality. I told him I don't regret my decision, and that life will be 10,000 times better with him gone. HA!!!!!!!
Still feel like crap though. Rough day yesterday. Found more brusing, but trying to just let all that go. No use crying over spilled milk right? I did have a break down pretty hard last night. Reality hit me that he could've killed me and just how lucky I was. God is amazing the way he protected us that night!! I'm even more thankful for each day now.
That's the latest kiddies. Not sure if/when I'm going back to work this week. Just have to play it by ear. OH...speaking of ear....I have to go see an ENT next week to look in my right ear cause my balance is still WAY off. All will get fixed though; I'm a lot tougher than I ever gave myself credit for. Got a whole new outlook on things these days. It can only get better from here.
Love you all, and thanks for checking in on us! We're staying strong!
HUGE Hugs and kisses
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Staying strong
Well we're at my sisters again, so it's time for another post! Thank you all so much for all the love, prayers, and warm wishes. It means so much that all of you care enough to think about me like this and keep me in your prayers (and the little one too). We're both doing better. She's still very angry, but we're working thru it. I'm still not as hateful as some people think I should be. Hate is such a wasted emotion. Yes I'm angry, yes I'd like to slap him and ashk him WTF, but what would that do? I have my closure; I'm ok.
We've talked, and I'm very proud to say that I haven't even ONCE second guessed my decision to end all of this. I've stuck to my guns, and he is trying to accept what he has lost. There are things about us that I will miss, but I'm trying not to think about those things right now. My physical pains help to keep my mind on the bad things about the relationship. I'll admit I still break down about him and I every now and again, but not so much for the loss but for the disappointment of it all. He let me down, and he admits that. I'm just thankful that he's accepting all of this and not giving me any more problems. I think he's too afraid too. He knows he should be in jail right now, and he knows that I could still make that happen at any second. All I want is for him to be out of our live.....FOR GOOD! No looking back.
I went back to the doctor yesterday, and they want me off for another week. He thinks I suffered multiple concussions from the multiple blows I got to the noggin. What a fucker, right!!! I just have to take it easy. If my off kilterness hasn't lightened up by Monday they want me to see an ENT and have my right ear checked out. Let's just say my ENTIRE right side is jacked up. I finally did something about my anxiety issues too, and am looking forward to getting that under control. Although I know that 99% of it came from him, but life still feels a bit overwhelming right now too. I know it will get better!
He started moving out yesterday, and we should be going back home on Monday. I (along with everyone else) don't want to go home until the locks have been changed, and that's going to happen Monday afternoon. I'm not looking forward to walking in there for the first time after all his stuff is gone, but I know I'll get over it. I'm just looking forward to getting my walk in closet back! LOL. Well, at least I still can laugh about some things. Maybe all this will hit me more after we get back home. I know it'll be hard for awhile, and I know at some point I will miss him more than the little bit I do now. Nothing can make up for all that's happened though. NOTHING!!!
I'm proud that I've stuck to my guns. I'm proud that I've followed thru with what's best for me and my daughter. At first I felt like the worst parent in the world for having her in that environment, but the more that I think about it all I've more than made up for it by getting us out of it. And keeping us out of it! I can't even imagine what that night must have been like for her, and when I think about it I feel sick. That's what makes me mad at him. That he subjected my daughter to this bullshit. Do whatever you want to me but keep her out of it, and just the fact that he did this when she was there AND AWAKE makes me want to run him over with my car. HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again how bad would it have been if she wasn't there? I don't even want to think about that side of it.
Well I'm gonna go lay down again. Can I just say how BORED I am of watching tv?!!! We'll be back here on Monday, so I'll post again then. Love you all, and thanks again for all your love in return. It means the world to me!!
HUGE Hugs and kisses
We've talked, and I'm very proud to say that I haven't even ONCE second guessed my decision to end all of this. I've stuck to my guns, and he is trying to accept what he has lost. There are things about us that I will miss, but I'm trying not to think about those things right now. My physical pains help to keep my mind on the bad things about the relationship. I'll admit I still break down about him and I every now and again, but not so much for the loss but for the disappointment of it all. He let me down, and he admits that. I'm just thankful that he's accepting all of this and not giving me any more problems. I think he's too afraid too. He knows he should be in jail right now, and he knows that I could still make that happen at any second. All I want is for him to be out of our live.....FOR GOOD! No looking back.
I went back to the doctor yesterday, and they want me off for another week. He thinks I suffered multiple concussions from the multiple blows I got to the noggin. What a fucker, right!!! I just have to take it easy. If my off kilterness hasn't lightened up by Monday they want me to see an ENT and have my right ear checked out. Let's just say my ENTIRE right side is jacked up. I finally did something about my anxiety issues too, and am looking forward to getting that under control. Although I know that 99% of it came from him, but life still feels a bit overwhelming right now too. I know it will get better!
He started moving out yesterday, and we should be going back home on Monday. I (along with everyone else) don't want to go home until the locks have been changed, and that's going to happen Monday afternoon. I'm not looking forward to walking in there for the first time after all his stuff is gone, but I know I'll get over it. I'm just looking forward to getting my walk in closet back! LOL. Well, at least I still can laugh about some things. Maybe all this will hit me more after we get back home. I know it'll be hard for awhile, and I know at some point I will miss him more than the little bit I do now. Nothing can make up for all that's happened though. NOTHING!!!
I'm proud that I've stuck to my guns. I'm proud that I've followed thru with what's best for me and my daughter. At first I felt like the worst parent in the world for having her in that environment, but the more that I think about it all I've more than made up for it by getting us out of it. And keeping us out of it! I can't even imagine what that night must have been like for her, and when I think about it I feel sick. That's what makes me mad at him. That he subjected my daughter to this bullshit. Do whatever you want to me but keep her out of it, and just the fact that he did this when she was there AND AWAKE makes me want to run him over with my car. HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again how bad would it have been if she wasn't there? I don't even want to think about that side of it.
Well I'm gonna go lay down again. Can I just say how BORED I am of watching tv?!!! We'll be back here on Monday, so I'll post again then. Love you all, and thanks again for all your love in return. It means the world to me!!
HUGE Hugs and kisses
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A New Beginning
So much has happened this week my head is spinning. IT'S FINALLY OVER WITH JERKMO! I really don't want to go into too much detail, but it was bad. He came home Monday night/Tuesday morning at 2 am, drunk, and lost control.
I'm ok. The little one, puppies, and myself have been with my parents since 4 am Tuesday. He's found a place, and will be out by Sunday. I'm off of work.........I have a concussion. I feel sick even thinking about it again. I can't even really remember what happened. He knocked me out. Maybe it's a good thing I can't remember what happened. The thing that pisses me off so much is that the little one woke up and heard it all.
Right now we're over at my sisters house with my parents. I wanted to put up a quick post to let you guys know I was ok. I'm still just numb from it all, and in shock that it's finally over with him. It's something that I've been wanting for a long time. I think God knew I wasn't listening like I should have been, and I needed a little bit of a wake up call. Not that I deserved all that happened to me, but I was just dragging my feet getting him out. Well, he's finally out, and it's a whole new beginning for me. I'm so excited.
I haven't cried today which is good. Truth be told I don't even really miss him either. I'm sad this happend. I'm pissed as all hell that he would do this to me, but at the same time I don't hate him. I feel bad for him. He's just so lost. How can you not feel bad for someone who's so lost in life. I talked ot him a bit yesterday, and confirmed what my mother and brother in law told him on Tuesday......IT'S OVER. He is accepting it. He doesn't remember what happened. He doesn't even remember coming home. Not my problem. I've solved my problem, and when I get on my feet again I'm getting a restraining order. No doubt about it.
Well, I have to go lay down again. Can't sit up for too long or else I start puking. This shit sucks!!!! I physically feel so wierd and horriable all at the same time. I'll be ok. I'm safe and surrounded by those that truly love me. I'm excited about the future, and trying not to look back. I love you guys. I'll check back in as soon as I can. My parents don't have a computer, so as soon as I can post again I will.
Hugs and kisses
I'm ok. The little one, puppies, and myself have been with my parents since 4 am Tuesday. He's found a place, and will be out by Sunday. I'm off of work.........I have a concussion. I feel sick even thinking about it again. I can't even really remember what happened. He knocked me out. Maybe it's a good thing I can't remember what happened. The thing that pisses me off so much is that the little one woke up and heard it all.
Right now we're over at my sisters house with my parents. I wanted to put up a quick post to let you guys know I was ok. I'm still just numb from it all, and in shock that it's finally over with him. It's something that I've been wanting for a long time. I think God knew I wasn't listening like I should have been, and I needed a little bit of a wake up call. Not that I deserved all that happened to me, but I was just dragging my feet getting him out. Well, he's finally out, and it's a whole new beginning for me. I'm so excited.
I haven't cried today which is good. Truth be told I don't even really miss him either. I'm sad this happend. I'm pissed as all hell that he would do this to me, but at the same time I don't hate him. I feel bad for him. He's just so lost. How can you not feel bad for someone who's so lost in life. I talked ot him a bit yesterday, and confirmed what my mother and brother in law told him on Tuesday......IT'S OVER. He is accepting it. He doesn't remember what happened. He doesn't even remember coming home. Not my problem. I've solved my problem, and when I get on my feet again I'm getting a restraining order. No doubt about it.
Well, I have to go lay down again. Can't sit up for too long or else I start puking. This shit sucks!!!! I physically feel so wierd and horriable all at the same time. I'll be ok. I'm safe and surrounded by those that truly love me. I'm excited about the future, and trying not to look back. I love you guys. I'll check back in as soon as I can. My parents don't have a computer, so as soon as I can post again I will.
Hugs and kisses
Monday, March 12, 2007
Spring is here!
Now, I know I have raved about how much I love snow. I know you all thought I was on crack. Well, the cold and snow have worn out their welcome in my book. Finally, it's warmer out and it seems spring is finally on it's way! YEAH!!
At my house spring is welcomed by the first official bike(motorcycle) ride. Yesterday was that day. I stayed home, but Jerkmo and some of the guys went out for a couple hours. As they were pulling away I really felt like winter was over. We were even able to open some of the windows for a bit. FRESH AIR!!! I haven't been on the bike since the accident. To be honest I really haven't wanted to get back on it either. Not that I don't trust him, but I think I lost a bit of my passion for it. Maybe I just had it scared out of me. I'm hesitant to tell him about it. I don't want him to take it personally. He kept blaming himself over and over again when it happened, and I finally had to tell him to stop apologizing to me because I didn't blame him at all. Sometimes shit just happens, and we're lucky it wasn't worse than it was.
Riding the bike is something that him and I share. It's kinda 'our' thing. We have a great group of friends whom we always ride with every chance we can. Weekends are bike time. If the little one is home he goes, and if not we go. Sometimes she rides with him, and I ride on the back of another bike. She loves it as much as we do. This year, I feel, is going to be different. I'm just not as excited to ride anymore. Maybe that will all change after I get on the bike again, but what happens if it doesn't? Everyone is already planning our next 'road trip' and I find myself looking around the room waiting for them to talk about something else.
Makes me sad in a way. Riding used to make me so happy. I guess it still does. All the people you meet, all the places we went, all the places we want to go, just being together. Oh, and all the hot riding gear I have......YEAH!! I just don't know. I can't really say I'm afraid, but more just not interested. Hmmmmp. I guess I'll just have to hop on and see what happens.
Hugs and kisses
At my house spring is welcomed by the first official bike(motorcycle) ride. Yesterday was that day. I stayed home, but Jerkmo and some of the guys went out for a couple hours. As they were pulling away I really felt like winter was over. We were even able to open some of the windows for a bit. FRESH AIR!!! I haven't been on the bike since the accident. To be honest I really haven't wanted to get back on it either. Not that I don't trust him, but I think I lost a bit of my passion for it. Maybe I just had it scared out of me. I'm hesitant to tell him about it. I don't want him to take it personally. He kept blaming himself over and over again when it happened, and I finally had to tell him to stop apologizing to me because I didn't blame him at all. Sometimes shit just happens, and we're lucky it wasn't worse than it was.
Riding the bike is something that him and I share. It's kinda 'our' thing. We have a great group of friends whom we always ride with every chance we can. Weekends are bike time. If the little one is home he goes, and if not we go. Sometimes she rides with him, and I ride on the back of another bike. She loves it as much as we do. This year, I feel, is going to be different. I'm just not as excited to ride anymore. Maybe that will all change after I get on the bike again, but what happens if it doesn't? Everyone is already planning our next 'road trip' and I find myself looking around the room waiting for them to talk about something else.
Makes me sad in a way. Riding used to make me so happy. I guess it still does. All the people you meet, all the places we went, all the places we want to go, just being together. Oh, and all the hot riding gear I have......YEAH!! I just don't know. I can't really say I'm afraid, but more just not interested. Hmmmmp. I guess I'll just have to hop on and see what happens.
Hugs and kisses
Thursday, March 08, 2007
On the road again.....
I broke down and went to the doctor yesterday. I felt sooooo bad I just had to. Good thing I did cause this little gril has an ear infection, a sinus infection, and was starting to get broncitis. Whew! I've got some awesome antibiotics that already have me feeling less like death! Bitchen!!
Can I just tell all of you, again, why I have the best daughter in the world? This morning she came in around 7. She had already gotten dressed, made her bed, combed her hair and put them in piggy tails, made her lunch, packed her backpack, and laid out everything I needed to sign for the day. WHEW!!! When I asked her what was the special occasion was and she told me this......."Well I feel really bad that I got you sick, so I got up early and got myself all ready so that when you got up all you'd have to worry about was you for a change." ISN'T SHE THE SWEETEST LITTLE THING???!!!!
Still no word back from that job. Seriously I've called there EVERY DAMN DAY and all I get is a recording, from the same chick that called, and I leave message after message. There isn't another number to call, knowone else to talk to. NODDA! What's a girl to do? Maybe I should just show up there or something, but then I don't want to seem like an ass "Hi, you called me and knowone will call me back so here I am." Just kinda doesn't seem professional, but then again neither is not returning a phone call. Grrrrrrrr. I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?
I hope everyone is having a great day. Happy Womans Day !!!
Hugs and kisses
Can I just tell all of you, again, why I have the best daughter in the world? This morning she came in around 7. She had already gotten dressed, made her bed, combed her hair and put them in piggy tails, made her lunch, packed her backpack, and laid out everything I needed to sign for the day. WHEW!!! When I asked her what was the special occasion was and she told me this......."Well I feel really bad that I got you sick, so I got up early and got myself all ready so that when you got up all you'd have to worry about was you for a change." ISN'T SHE THE SWEETEST LITTLE THING???!!!!
Still no word back from that job. Seriously I've called there EVERY DAMN DAY and all I get is a recording, from the same chick that called, and I leave message after message. There isn't another number to call, knowone else to talk to. NODDA! What's a girl to do? Maybe I should just show up there or something, but then I don't want to seem like an ass "Hi, you called me and knowone will call me back so here I am." Just kinda doesn't seem professional, but then again neither is not returning a phone call. Grrrrrrrr. I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?
I hope everyone is having a great day. Happy Womans Day !!!
Hugs and kisses
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Sigh
I've just gotta vent for a minute......sorry, I know, like I haven't been all winey the last couple weeks already, but sometimes people are just so annoying that it causes one's tolerance to break. Mine broke this morning.
There are three people that work here. Myself, another girl, and the boss. This office is small. So small that it's retarded. Anyways, I have this cool, wood, corner desk thingy that is in the front corner, and thus I'm kinda set apart/away from the others. Anyhoo, some of you may remember the last time I got sick that the other lovley girl here made it a point to let me know that if she got sick her hiness would not be happy. Somehow it's too difficult for her to understand that just breathing the same air as me in this little shit hole office we work in puts her in harms way reguardless. Like I said, for some reason, this is too hard for her to understand. Dumbass.
SO, when I came in on Monday I was still sick. I kid you not, the second after I let out my first cough I overheard her tell herself "If I f'n get sick I'm gonna f'n kill her." Hmmmm. I let it go. Later she asked me if I had alcohol to wipe down the entire office with. Umm, no but I can bring some. "You'd better because if I get sick......" hence the debate began, again, about how just breathing the same air as me puts her at risk even if everything was wiped down 12 times a day. "NO IT DOESN'T!!!!!" Wow! Ok. I let it go.
Yesterday, I'm not kidding, I went thru two boxes of tissues here. After I went and got my last box, I no sooner sat down, and this bitch sends me an email saying "If you took the last box of tissues you'd better let him know so he can get more for when the rest of us get sick because of you." I kindly replied "I don't need another mother. I think I've got it covered." Before I left she yells out "Don't forget to bring alcohol tomorrow". Yeah, yeah, f-off!!
This morning I truly was going to bring something to clean up a bit. I forgot. I've been trying to keep to my 'corner' and away from everyone/everything but sometimes I have to use the front computer for scanning, so ok I get it. I've washed my hands so much they're chapped, I have hand sanitizer that I use everytime I blow my nose, sneeze, cough, shit....whatever you get the point. I worked in healthcare for 10 years, so I know all about germs and all that shit. I don't want to get anyone sick, but I was only here for two days last week and I can't afford to miss one more single day. Trust me if I hadn't been home with her my ass would not have been here yesterday. I have no choice. It's not like I've got a fever or the plague or something aweful like that. I've got an f'n cold. It's not my fault, I didn't ask for it, I'm pissed I have it, and I wish it would go away even more than you do. Lay off already!!!
I came to work today determined to make the best of today. I woke up with a migrane at 5 and feel even worse than yesterday. I walk in, put my things down, and there she goes. 'Did you bring the alcohol?" "Shit, no I'm sorry I'll have my mom bring me some" SHE HUFFED AT ME!!!
Now, I'm going to jump in here and let you all in on two things that make me blow my top quicker than I don't know what......someone rolling their eyes at me or huffing at me. It makes me see red I tell you; instant red!
I lost it!! I can't even repeat what came out of my mouth. To be honest it all came out so fast I'm not sure I could even remember it all anyways. I will tell you I called HER ignorant and told her to back off with trying to be my mother. She just stood there. Oh sure, now your smartass has nothing to say. Needless to say we're not talking to eachother now, but I've just had it up to here with her and her comments. If it's not done her way she talks to you like you're an idiot, and it just makes me want to take my shoe off and hit her with it. (jeeze I might have even dropped that one in there to her too)
So that's all I have to say for now. Sorry. Just remember, if someone you work with has a cold, and you see them trying all they can to be sanitary, leave them the f*ck alone. They don't want to be sick any more than you want them to be.
Hugs and kisses
There are three people that work here. Myself, another girl, and the boss. This office is small. So small that it's retarded. Anyways, I have this cool, wood, corner desk thingy that is in the front corner, and thus I'm kinda set apart/away from the others. Anyhoo, some of you may remember the last time I got sick that the other lovley girl here made it a point to let me know that if she got sick her hiness would not be happy. Somehow it's too difficult for her to understand that just breathing the same air as me in this little shit hole office we work in puts her in harms way reguardless. Like I said, for some reason, this is too hard for her to understand. Dumbass.
SO, when I came in on Monday I was still sick. I kid you not, the second after I let out my first cough I overheard her tell herself "If I f'n get sick I'm gonna f'n kill her." Hmmmm. I let it go. Later she asked me if I had alcohol to wipe down the entire office with. Umm, no but I can bring some. "You'd better because if I get sick......" hence the debate began, again, about how just breathing the same air as me puts her at risk even if everything was wiped down 12 times a day. "NO IT DOESN'T!!!!!" Wow! Ok. I let it go.
Yesterday, I'm not kidding, I went thru two boxes of tissues here. After I went and got my last box, I no sooner sat down, and this bitch sends me an email saying "If you took the last box of tissues you'd better let him know so he can get more for when the rest of us get sick because of you." I kindly replied "I don't need another mother. I think I've got it covered." Before I left she yells out "Don't forget to bring alcohol tomorrow". Yeah, yeah, f-off!!
This morning I truly was going to bring something to clean up a bit. I forgot. I've been trying to keep to my 'corner' and away from everyone/everything but sometimes I have to use the front computer for scanning, so ok I get it. I've washed my hands so much they're chapped, I have hand sanitizer that I use everytime I blow my nose, sneeze, cough, shit....whatever you get the point. I worked in healthcare for 10 years, so I know all about germs and all that shit. I don't want to get anyone sick, but I was only here for two days last week and I can't afford to miss one more single day. Trust me if I hadn't been home with her my ass would not have been here yesterday. I have no choice. It's not like I've got a fever or the plague or something aweful like that. I've got an f'n cold. It's not my fault, I didn't ask for it, I'm pissed I have it, and I wish it would go away even more than you do. Lay off already!!!
I came to work today determined to make the best of today. I woke up with a migrane at 5 and feel even worse than yesterday. I walk in, put my things down, and there she goes. 'Did you bring the alcohol?" "Shit, no I'm sorry I'll have my mom bring me some" SHE HUFFED AT ME!!!
Now, I'm going to jump in here and let you all in on two things that make me blow my top quicker than I don't know what......someone rolling their eyes at me or huffing at me. It makes me see red I tell you; instant red!
I lost it!! I can't even repeat what came out of my mouth. To be honest it all came out so fast I'm not sure I could even remember it all anyways. I will tell you I called HER ignorant and told her to back off with trying to be my mother. She just stood there. Oh sure, now your smartass has nothing to say. Needless to say we're not talking to eachother now, but I've just had it up to here with her and her comments. If it's not done her way she talks to you like you're an idiot, and it just makes me want to take my shoe off and hit her with it. (jeeze I might have even dropped that one in there to her too)
So that's all I have to say for now. Sorry. Just remember, if someone you work with has a cold, and you see them trying all they can to be sanitary, leave them the f*ck alone. They don't want to be sick any more than you want them to be.
Hugs and kisses
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Na, na, na, na.......Nyquil
Why is it when everyone else is sick mom is on top of it all, and when she gets sick from everyone else knowone can give mom a break? Grrrrrrr. "Oh you still don't fell good? Poor mommy. Do you think you can......." Oh sure. Let me drag my butt out of bed just so I can get you the book you left downstairs.........NOT!!!
Nyquil helped me last night. Except when it wore off at 4:45 this morning and **BING** my eyes shot open and have been ever since. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Question.....why is it when you get sick, and blow you nose like every 2 minutes because it keeps filling up there never seems to come a point where your nose is empty? I mean really! Wouldn't you think the snot would run out at some point?!! My head is only so big, so how much snot can it really hold?!! Rudolf ain't got shit on me with how red my nose is right now!! Too bad Christmas is over!! Ha ha
This month is birthday month in my house. Both my puppies were born on the 13th! Moe will be one and Larry will be four. Then Curley (Jerkmo) will be 37 on the 15th. We usually celebrate both birthdays together, and last year we got Jerkmo and Larry a Harley cake from Jewel. I'm thinking since we finally have the three stooges all together maybe I see a theme there. Jerkmo never gets into his birthday like we do. He's a typical guy like that. The little one and I dig it though. I think secretly he likes it too, but then that whole macho thing gets in the way. He refuses to let me get him anything either. Of course I always manage to get him a little something, something. This weekend will be spent shopping for that.
I came home last night to a HUGE suprise! Jerkmo had spent the entire day replacing every single interior door in the house. THEY LOOK AWESOME!!!!!!! I was SO excited when I came home. We used to have flush cheap wood doors with these tacky gold ball handles. NOW I have awesome six panel white wood doors with awesome nickle lever handle thingys on them. What a difference it makes! Really brightens up the place and makes it look so much cleaner some how. Not dirty cleaner, but you all know what I mean. He said he wanted to do something nice for me since he's been such an ass for the last couple months. I think he's having one of those mid-life things cause yesterday morning he LOST it, and called in sick to work. I felt bad for him. I know what it feel like to feel lost and unhappy with life. Too bad, in his case, a lot of it he brought on himself. I just listened. That's about all I can do for him. He's just to proud to lean on anyone, but whatever. He just needs to work some shit out and move on.
So that's it! Hopefully all of you are having a good day!
Hugs and kisses
Monday, March 05, 2007
*cough, cough, bitch, bitch, moan, moan*
Hello to all!!! Well the flu monster decided to lay me up all weekend with a nice 101 fever and megga body aches. Grrrrrrrr. I feel a bit better today, but I've got this nagging cough! Damn thing kept waking me up all night long. Me thinks some Niquil is in order for this evening!! At least it doesn't look like a week long deal like the little one's bout. *fingers crossed*
Thankfully the little one is feeling much better, and returned to school today after a week away! Daddy is doing well too. Nothing to report (good or bad) there. He's slowly on the mends. Thanks again to all for the well wishes, love, and prayers!!! Me love you looooong time.
I called about that job, and they haven't called me back yet. Did I mention that I called several times? Hmmmm. Well, everything happens for a reason so maybe God just wanted to let me know he hears all my deapirate pleas for new employment!! I'm still not going to stop calling though....at least until I see the job I applied for off their website anyways.
It feels good to get back into the land of the living and nonwiney. Like mother like daughter I guess, but taking care of a sick kid really takes it all out of a person!! Jerkmo had a moment of nicey nicey and offered to stay home with her on Friday so I could come to work. I don't get paid if I'm not here, so my checkbook was starting to join the winey crowd too. Still none of my stuff was handled, so I spent all day catching up. Grrrrrrr. These people have a REAL suprise coming when I get a new job. "Oh, BTW I got a new job so today is my last day! SEE YA!" Yup, that's going to be my 'notice'. Followed by a lot of evil laughter! Man I can't wait!!
Sorry I have nothing exciting to report! OH....for all you mom's out there.....Tylanol Flu WORKS WONDERS for the little ones!!! Just an FYI. Regular Motrin or Tylanol didn't make her feel as good as Tylanol Flu. It rocks!!
I've been trying to play catch up with all my blogger friends too today. Hyman still loves all of you!! Hopefully it's business as usual for me.
Hugs and kisses
Thankfully the little one is feeling much better, and returned to school today after a week away! Daddy is doing well too. Nothing to report (good or bad) there. He's slowly on the mends. Thanks again to all for the well wishes, love, and prayers!!! Me love you looooong time.
I called about that job, and they haven't called me back yet. Did I mention that I called several times? Hmmmm. Well, everything happens for a reason so maybe God just wanted to let me know he hears all my deapirate pleas for new employment!! I'm still not going to stop calling though....at least until I see the job I applied for off their website anyways.
It feels good to get back into the land of the living and nonwiney. Like mother like daughter I guess, but taking care of a sick kid really takes it all out of a person!! Jerkmo had a moment of nicey nicey and offered to stay home with her on Friday so I could come to work. I don't get paid if I'm not here, so my checkbook was starting to join the winey crowd too. Still none of my stuff was handled, so I spent all day catching up. Grrrrrrr. These people have a REAL suprise coming when I get a new job. "Oh, BTW I got a new job so today is my last day! SEE YA!" Yup, that's going to be my 'notice'. Followed by a lot of evil laughter! Man I can't wait!!
Sorry I have nothing exciting to report! OH....for all you mom's out there.....Tylanol Flu WORKS WONDERS for the little ones!!! Just an FYI. Regular Motrin or Tylanol didn't make her feel as good as Tylanol Flu. It rocks!!
I've been trying to play catch up with all my blogger friends too today. Hyman still loves all of you!! Hopefully it's business as usual for me.
Hugs and kisses
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